Discipleship

After my recent wade through a slough of despond, and crying out to the Lord for help and direction, something has changed. Somehow, while calling for help, a little voice inside told me that light was going to break before long.

We have been meeting up for two and a half years now with a few friends - some have moved on - and two or three have stayed, and one of these, N, who has become a dear friend, is now meeting up with me on Monday nights to share what the Lord has been doing in us, confess sin and pray for others.
We started meeting about 5 weeks ago, and recently we decided to read through the letter of James every day until we felt it was time to change to another book - and see what the Lord said to us. Already, I am sensing a change in me. He is making me stronger in my spirit, able to withstand temptation better, I get my work done more efficiently and I am getting nourished from the Word more. I was reading the Bible regularly and a lot before, but upping the amount that I read daily has been doing so much inside me. I'm seeing even more connections than I did before, and marvelling increasingly at how multilayered and multifaceted the Bible is.
This, when my husband is going through the usual colossal stress with his work, annoyance and frequent pain with his back problems, struggling to believe that God is for him, is enabling me to stand firm under what otherwise would be too much of a heavy burden. My heart is secure in the presence of Jesus.
N and I began to get up early recently, to do Nordic walking for an hour outside before the day begins. We go out Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. It has given my week a framework for me to move in, and already I can feel the physical benefits. My balance and sleep are better.

Reading through James is doing something else as well. I realise more than ever what 'renewing the mind' is all about. I've always known that fighting the battle of the bulge wasn't just about disciplining my flesh - I knew that it began in the mind. But I couldn't get my mind to do what it ought to have done, so I was becoming used to an attitude of failure and thinking that I would have to struggle with this for the rest of my life. Reading masses of scripture makes me far more alert and awake to hearing the Lord - recently He showed me that no area of sin shall have domination over me. Halleluyah!

For the first time in my life I think, when I fast, I actually find it easy to do so - the temptation to eat then, or to eat unwisely at other times - is hardly there at all. My mind is the closed door, and repetitve reading of scripture is the key. Repetitively reading James (which is so practical!) is helping me meditate on the scripture, which brings it to mind during the day and focuses me on the Lord, rather than on myself. I don't feel interested in watching DVDs (however good they are) or reading anything which would take my attention from what the Lord wants to do in me.  Housework and other work is much easier. We've been learning modern Greek for several months - I actually did my homework this morning, and enjoyed it, instead of waiting 'til the last moment before the next lesson.

Some might see this as legalistic religion - I believe that it is a simple and easy way of making sure that my whole day is submitted to the Lord. Discipleship seemed hard before; now it isn't. I am ashamed to say it, but I have never been really disciplined with anything for very long, I am by nature, lazy, greedy and self- indulgent. Self-control was a fruit of the Spirit which I never saw much of. But I had been praying about it for several weeks prior to this, and am at last beginning to see a change. Obedience is becoming a joy.