Sunday, 2 December 2007

Free to be Friends

You know, it has been dawning on me for several months now, that I don't think I remember what it is to have normal friendships with people. I had them at school and university, but after I met the Lord and got involved in churchianity, all my relationships were filtered through religion. I was praying about this on Friday.

Then just yesterday a girl came over to see me. She had come to the Lord through our relationship about six years ago, and for about a year I had tried to help her sort through some stuff, but was aware that things just weren't gelling. She wasn't ready for various reasons, so I let her be for a while, she went through some really difficult times, always getting back into contact when she was down and needing help, but not really ready to go the whole hog.

Back then I was still in the old paradigm and so while she wanted me as a friend, (and from her side was looking to me instead of to the Lord), I was unable to receive any help which she wanted to give me (I was blind to my own failings and religious busyness, which she could see through) - I was too proud. In the course of our conversation, in which we both confessed how we had been wrong in our own special ways (yes, I'm a Genesis fan) I suddenly realised that we were both on the same level, that I no longer unconsciously viewed her as a spiritual project, which flattered my own ego, but as a person whom I could really value in her own right and from whom I could learn as much as she from me. The Lord put us on the same footing. She has loads of problems, but so have I. I'm no longer playing the spiritual know-it-all and we can meet the Lord together as equals. The relief of having shed the unconscious pretence is beyond description.

I have gained a real friend, with whom I can be myself without shame. Thank you Father!

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